As I sit in the Ed.Bldg computer lab, attempting to eat a peanut butter cracker as quietly (and discretely) as possible, I realize I have a blog topic. Actually, it was Robs idea, so here goes.
I have a laptop with an airport card and of course it picks up everyone's wireless signal if I'm within range and cock it at just the right angle. When I first got it, I went all over the house I live in/under to see if anyone in the close neighborhood had wireless...to no avail. Then, one sunny afternoon, I was plugging away at an article for class, and viola! A small and seemingly insignificant signal came wafting in the window and appeared on my screen. Being an experienced wireless pirate, I attempted (unsuccessfully, I might add) to increase the signal to a level that would allow me to log onto the world-wide (ever notice the irony in that title?..ok, I wont go into the evils of money and capitalism. another blog, another time) so lifting the computer into the window didn't help, moving to the upstairs bathroom didn't help (always works for my cell phone), and the kitchen window didn't help, so I gave up, even as words from rob about his neighbors echoed between the walls of my often hollow-seeming skull (they suddenly found a signal when they sat in the left-southwest quadrant of their couch and tilted their computer at a 37deg angle and lifted their left leg for 2 seconds)
A month or so later, which happened to be 2 nights ago, I realized I had never downloaded an article I needed to read for a quiz we were having the next morning in one of my classes. Looking at the clock revealed it was too late for me to go to campus, download, and get back in time to read AND watch I (heart) Huckabees with my neighbor. Even if I drove and sat in my car and downloaded remotely from the street. I needed a quick fix, and then thought I might just have to get up early because I wasn't missing another chance to watch the promised wonderful silliness of that movie. Then it occurred to me that our friendly neighbors with the incessantly squalling baby had wireless...(they suddenly found a signal when they sat in the left-southwest quadrant of their couch and tilted their computer at a 37deg angle and lifted their left leg for 2 seconds)
mmhhmmmm....I thought, and walked over to the window. I yanked out the make-shift wedge of PVC pipe, and opened it up. Then, laptop and raincoat in hand, crawled out into the wild jungle of underbrush,vines,and saplings that take up the majority of my landlords "acreage"...predominantly rampant growing wisteria, ivy, and one very large camilla tree....yes, tree. not bush, like it's SUPPOSED TO BE! ah the woes of neglect. tsk tsk tsk.
and it was raining...well, drizzling
conscious of the time, I hid amidst branches of the camillia TREE, and low and behold, got the signal I needed for access to the web, downloaded the article, and proudly climbed back through the window, knocked my little wooden model off its position on my tv stand, and jumped to the floor of my dungeon.
Upon further inspection I realized it was the wrong article. Baagh! With a sneer I went BACK to the window, re-un"lock"ed it, and crawled BACK out into the rainforest, but this time my signal in the branches wasn't so great, I needed to get closer. So I crept over to the fence that separates the neighbors wonderfully manicured lot from our legends-of-sleepy-hollow setting, and looked for a signal. Even pressing the l.t. against the fence wasn't good enough, how could that be? I was CLOSER for crying out loud!
The neighbors were indeed home, but I didn't know if perhaps one of the spousal units might be working late, or if there WAS another spousal unit, or if they were even human. But they did have a healthy lunged infant of some sort. Still, venturing over to their lot was risky, and perhaps a bit too thrilling, because I did begin plotting how to sneak to the other side unnoticed. But I couldn't just sit completely on the other side of the fence because that would put me in their driveway, in plain view. And what if there were motion sensor lights on the house? It IS Atlanta, can't be too careful. Hell, what if someone attacked ME? I briefly considered the possibility of just going over and hiding behind the boxwoods at their front porch, appreciating the nice little water garden they have over there (I've always wanted to know if there are fish in it) and Robins advice still echoed ('stealing' wireless net is perfectly legal...you could go sit on their front doorstep and piddle around on the net for all you want and the only thing they could do is say youre tresspassing)
But I ended up wimping out and merely creeping to the corner of the fence, crouching behind a big boxwood, covering up with my electric teal raincoat, being stuck in the butt and legs by wisteria, and downloading the article. Of course the damn thing took SIX minutes. Geez. In the meantime I'm paranoid that someone is going to come up the driveway and spotlight me with their headlights. But they didn't. SO I got the article, took it in, printed, read, and watched Huckabees all before midnight. Ta da. My next project is to find the best place for a signal, machete a path, and construct a makeshift desktop out of wisteria vines so next time it'll be easier. Well, that's if I dont find an antenna that can amplify that signal right into my apt. Which I think it highly possible.
so there you have it. blog of the century. I wonder if it'll even publish it's so long. hmmm.
I've been walkin alone now
for a long long time
I dont want to hang out, now
With the friends who just aren't mine
(rem)
peacery
