"Life, at its best, is a flowing, changing process in which nothing is fixed" - Carl Rogers
BECAUSE YOU HAD TO GIVE NAMES TO EVERYTHING YOU FOUND, AND MAKE LOGOS FOR BAD IDEAS, AND CHANGE YOUR CAR EVERY TWO YEARS AND WAKE UP EARLY FOR CONFERENCE CALLS, AND IT TURNED OUT TO BE NO PROGRESS AT ALL / JUST A SHADOW FESTIVAL / BECAUSE OF THAT YOU WILL HAVE TO LEARN TO LOOK AT THE SKY AGAIN, YOU WILL HAVE TO LEARN TO EAT FOOD THAT GROWS WHERE YOU LIVE AGAIN, YOU WILL HAVE TO LEARN TO TOUCH WHAT YOU MAKE
for starters, my brain cells are not focused on anything other than putting the final touches on a tiny human. so when I described a certain seed to my husband by saying it "looked like one of those that fall from the...you know....pine cone trees"
right
and because I am anti-cable AND not willing to buy an "internet ready device" (though we do have cable internet, which makes me growl just thinking about it), I am a long time Netflix DVD subscriber. All of this results in 9 months of me occasionally (err...more frequently?) making bad movie choices. Sometimes it's not so much a bad movie as it is strings of one genre that no one needs to watch THAT much of...unless it's vampire movies in which case only my husband is not enthused. I usually spend a little time every once in a while arranging our "queue" like a mixed tape, so there is a nice spread of sci-fi, documentary, drama, action, etc.
but as I said in my first paragraph....pine cone trees.
But sometimes it's just a dumb movie. Like last night. We watched "After Earth" with Will Smith and his son. By the way OMG is it not SO CUTE that his son is named Jaden and daughter is Willow...so, like, their names are taken from their parents names but like, the son isn't named after his dad he's named after his mom and same for the daughter, so they're like, so gender progressive and stuff....sigh.
But I actually like Will Smith. I think he's funny. Men in Black, Hitch....they're funny, cute movies.
Anyway, we both knew it was a silly movie -- one of those "brain dead" movies I occasionally throw out there because my own brain cells really don't have the energy to process too many "Enemy" movies, but when I started describing it to a coworker today it sounded so lame! Which doesn't change my emotional reaction, but it's funny to tell....
The point is/was I'm a completely hopeless sap, but I had to put some background in there to get to WHY I bawled my eyes out. I just had a hard time getting to that point because it became a hilarious act just telling it. Paige's commentary added for effect
(semi spoiler alert--as if anyone would care)
ok so they crash land on earth, and everyone dies in the crash except Will Smith and his son. Will Smith is the bad ass but he's got two broken legs so his son, who's kind-of a wimp because he watched his sister die in an alien attack years before and never spent much time with his dad, he has to go to the tail of the ship which broke off somewhere else over earth.....oh, and there was a deadly alien on board but they're not sure whether it survived the crash or not
of course it survived....seriously, this movie got one star on rotten tomatoes
but that's not the point...what I'm getting to is at one point the kid is caught by a giant bird who puts him in her nest I guess for food, but then the nest is attacked by these tiger-hyena hybrids and the boy fights them off because they're eating the baby birds and after they've killed the tigers he sees the mother bird on the ground and she's sad (and later mad) because all the babies were killed. but the boy has to keep going because he's running out of his special inhalers that allow him to breath earths atmosphere
giant bird....tiger hybrids...special inhalers
yep, anyway later the boy finds himself stuck out in the open when earth is freezing over, because it freezes every night
wait, why does it freeze every night?
probably because humans changed the climate with pollution. i don't know.
oh, okay
so the boy passes out because he's caught out in the cold, and you see something dragging him into some bushes. then he wakes up the next morning, obviously having survived, and crawls out of the brambles. and sees that it the giant bird is draped over the brush.
she had covered it with her body and she froze to death to save him.
and I cried for about 5 minutes. it was all.so.sad.
6 days until our due date. will I make it? haha
the end **update--informed by hubby that my critique of above mentioned movie may have been a bit harsh**
**and, that he cried too** **also. I really loved I Am Legend**
If We Gave Men the Same Rape Advice We Give Women, Here's How Absurd it would Sound By Julianne Ross
Earlier this week, a group of male students at North Carolina
State University introduced Undercover Colors, a new line of
nail polish designed to change color when it comes into contact
with date rape drugs. While many have praised the young
entrepreneurs, some anti-rape activists refuse to fully embrace
the product. They've got a point.
Undercover Colors is simply the latest in a slew of anti-rape products that
don't necessarily make the world a safer place, but do make women's lives
more difficult by adding yet more items to the list of things they "should"
do to avoid rape. The logic of these products rests on some decidedly problematic assumptions about what causes rape in the first
place, and also suggests that men are unable to control themselves.
Women, like men, have the right to move throughout the world without
constantly fearing for their safety, yet the burden of prevention continues
to fall squarely on women's shoulders. One can't help but wonder,
what would it look like if we talked to men about rape prevention in
the same way we talk to women?
Thus, in the name of equality, we've compiled some handy tips that
men can use to avoid rape too.
1. Stay inside after dark.
For the safety of women everywhere, responsible adult men should
observe a reasonable nightly curfew.
Considering women descended from Eve to tempt men into sin with their miniskirts and high heels, it's important never to look at them directly.
If seeing a woman is unavoidable, obscure your vision through simple yet
effective anti-rape eye wear such as horse blinkers or glasses in the wrong
prescription.
In a survey of alcohol-related sexual assault, Wayne State University
psychology professor Antonia Abbey points out that "62% [of date rapists]
felt that they had committed rape because of their alcohol consumption."
As such, men should remain sober at all times.
Why should girls have all the fun when it comes to obtrusive and often
wildly impractical anti-rape products? Cloaking your dick in metal boxers
before a night on the town is a surefire way to prevent it from accidentally
falling into an unsuspecting vagina.
If you find yourself struggling with the urge to rape someone, spray
yourself in the face. Not only will the excruciating pain likely kill your
boner, but the temporary blindness will help you run away before a
woman's outfit can tempt you any further.
Dating is so hard! Especially since "date rape" is sometimes just a case
of totally understandable mixed signals. Avoid a potentially awkward morning after sexually assaulting someone by being upfront with
your intentions.
———
If this all sounds ridiculous, that's because it is. Rape is not an accident,
and it is not caused by certain outfits, alcohol, mixed signals or dates gone
sour. It is caused by people who choose to rape. And no matter how many
anti-rape products we sell or limiting behaviors we encourage, some people
are, unfortunately, still going to make that choice.
That's why it's so important not to use language that suggests women did
not do enough to prevent a crime that was committed against them.
Because for every woman who "avoids" being raped, what about those
who are less "prepared"? What about those who do take every preventive
step you can think of, and are raped anyway? What about the men who
are raped? Are these survivors somehow more to blame for what happened
to them?
Of course not. Yet that is the narrative that anti-rape products implicitly
endorse. Regardless of their good intentions, in treating rape as something
individually preventable, products like Undercover Colors transfer at least
some of the responsibility from rapists to their victims. However subtle this
messaging may be, it adds up to create a culture that blames survivors
and sympathizes with criminals.
We all want to stay safe, and we want the people we care about to stay
safe as well. If these products help some women do just that, then they
should by all means use them. But we must not laud anti-rape products
as the ultimate solution to this problem. Truly curbing rape means
addressing the myriad cultural forces that lead to sexual violence in the
first place, as well as the systemic injustices that allow it to so often go
unpunished — both of which take a lot more effort than telling women to
paint their nails.
This little dude is running out of room fast. I'm not sure where more growth can be tucked away. And even though he could come at any time now, I still hope to make it as close to 40 as possible. Some days I'm not sure how it's possible, but we shall see. If he's anything like his parents he'll wait until the last minute :) This has been (and is) such an amazing adventure that I used to just dream about! I'm going to bawl when I finally get to meet him :)
below is Henry's "progress" at about 33 weeks -- and I thought I had a good belly going on then... people tell you to "sleep now while you can"....but it seems I'm beyond the point of a full nights sleep and I wonder if we forget that once the full throttle life-with-child begins. The baby-in-tow is in control of every.single.thing. And I wouldn't want it any other way (it will be cool to be able to bend over, move around faster than a waddling snail pace, sleep on my back and return to unpuffy hands and feet...but that list is short). This has truly been a fun and fascinating ride of a lifetime.
a few months ago I had a very mild mini meltdown regarding "just wanting my house in order" which was a mostly direct result of building frustration from no longer being able to do every single thing on my own....like carrying heavy furniture upstairs by myself
Rob seemed to try to understand, but I just didn't feel that he quite got my level of desperation and panic and total utter frazzlement of my momentary self perceived "uselessness" and need for reliance on others for help
until last week. Friday night to be exact.
We just returned from a relaxing evening hour or so by the pool and I was brainstorming dinner options
(which is me wandering quietly between the kitchen and living room (and bedroom) forgetting and remembering to think about dinner options because it's 7:28 and I hate eating late and did we switch the laundry? I don't want to cook but we really don't need to go out anywhere but I do need more dish detergent and there's a smudge on the stainless steel refrigerator door and I wonder what's in the freezer (for the 1347890245862346892456897th time) and we still need to level this thing because the door never closes right and oh hi kitty want me to brush you? look Rob, look what Merlin is doing isn't he so cute!? and anyway I don't want crappy food but I don't want to cook and ohmygod jeopardy has already started....)
I noticed the blank stare and disregarded it but when I noticed it again I asked if something was wrong. he took a few minutes to respond and THEN....then I saw it. the crazy eye. Rob gets the crazy eye when he's overwhelmed and needs to tap into dimension X. having witnessed this many times over the course of our relationship, I now believe he actually has the ability to see into another realm--he no longer perceives what is going on around him but is looking intently, and wide-eyed, into the zone.
I finally wrangled him back to earth and was like "hey, what's with the eye?"
His response: "I've just been thinking. I mean, we have like, two months left to get everything together and....I mean, it's a lot"
AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
and our wedding song comes back to me
at last
Sunday, June 22, 2014
this morning I woke up with "Dashing Through the Snow" in my head
wasn't all that unusual. i mean, it is june.
it was a little odd (but only a little) that the words my sweet Christmas melody was accompanying were from Lewis Carrolls "Jabberwocky"
it stuck until we went to breakfast...parked the car, were seated inside "...and the mome raths outgrabe...la la la la la" -- the background music in the cafe was some pleasant semi up tempo new age music until-- just as we were getting ready to depart-- on came one of the most idiotic and massively popular songs ever written....
"Last Friday Night"
noooooooo
now home. must. find. something. to. override.
met my neighbor as I was walking in and she was leaving for church. she's probably the best neighbor we've ever had. Betty. she's 80. professor of religions studies. wife of a late Episcopalian priest. mother of two. grandmother of who knows how many. fiercely democratic. drinker of wine. eater of cheese and generally one of the most hilarious people I know. we hang out with her more than we do people our age.
she asked me how Henry was doing and I asked her if she was on her way to church (those kind-of stupid yet truly good natured space-filler observation-questions) and she said yes, even though she'd much rather just lounge around. then she added "I'll have a star in my crown someday you know. well. At least, if there is a God....hehe. But I guess then I might have lost that star just now"
Henry is now big enough to really pack some punch/kicks, and still has just enough room to occasionally put on quite a show. fascinating. and pretty darn distracting. I've now made it to the third trimester 'home stretch'-- and like magic, everything. is. more. difficult. getting off the couch, getting out of bed (and sleep is often quite painful). God forbid I somehow end up sitting on the floor (but it's easier than leaning over or crouching). my ankles are long gone. I can only wear my wedding band. and I feel pretty much warm-to-blazing hot all the time (doesn't help it's four million degrees outside).
but what's even MORE bizarre is that in just 10 weeks he'll be fully developed and ready to make his appearance. TEN WEEKS!!!!! dear Jesus. the realization that in a few months I'll no longer be growing a child in a blissfully self-contained autopilot system. he'll be out. here. totally helpless and at the mercy of two brand new parents who have NO CLUE what to do with a newborn. whew. I think the scariest thing for me so far is bath time. I mean....HOW do you even do that without totally screwing something up? and I have dreams about royally failing at breastfeeding, probably because it's my only solid plan so far. hah. also Rob and I have both developed an odd sense of suspicion...perhaps fear even, that despite the ultrasound technicians determination, he may turn out to be a she. now that we've both said (out loud) things like "oh thank God we're having a boy first' and "I'm so glad we're having a boy first" -- not to mention the astounding amount of blue that has taken over our home and bedroom.
and while I'm on the baby subject. I've been wanting to just get it out there even though it won't change a thing and I really don't care THAT much about it because I know people say stupid crap.
but my WORD people say the most asinine, snobbish, asshole things to first time parents. I've heard it happens with parents having their 2nd child too so apparently it never ends. there's always someone out there who knows more and feels the need to FOREWARN.
I thought pre-wedding commentary was ridiculous, but some of the things I've been told kindof make me want to kick someone in the shin.
top two on the charts
1. "get ready because YOUR WHOLE WORLD IS ABOUT TO CHANGE"
no way!? we thought we were just picking up a new hobby.
and being pregnant for 7 months hasn't changed much for me at all. it's been a breeeeeze. we're planning to go on a mediterranean cruise when this is over.
my uncle is the only person who has ever demonstrated this sentiment without sounding patronizing. he said "man, I remember when we had Suzanne Marie, it completelyshut us down...for like, THREE MONTHS"
(now I can totally appreciate that! I know it's true, and it's funny. Thanks Uncle Rick)
2. some version of: "enjoy every second because they grow up so fast"
this one really gets me. I might need to bump it to #1 because it's that unnecessary and annoying to someone who's (gasp) about to become a parent. it's prudish and suggests we WON'T love love love our child. yes children grow very quickly. I'm not saying I won't miss the baby days, but c'mon....we observe it ALL THE TIME. and, well, i haven't told many people, but.....it even happened to ME and PEOPLE I KNOW!!!! dear lord just yesterday I was sitting on the front porch, in a suspicious smelling diaper, happily munching on whatever flower was growing out of one of mom's planters
and BAM!!!! I'm THIRTY TWO!!! AND PREGNANT!!!!!
but seriously. it is truly astounding. i look at our baby clothes and think, holy crap in just _____ months he'll be big enough to wear this! aww, boo! so I mean, I get it. Just because I haven't experienced it first hand doesn't mean I'm an idiot. And I'm not done ranting yet.
I haven't posted a whole lot on Facepoo about our adventures in gestation. but one day, out of pure glee. true love. momentary, totally ignorant, wholesome parent-to-be excitement, I posted a comment about picking out the color of paint for a piece of furniture we acquired.
PAINT, people. c'mon. I'm dancing around the house humming twinkle twinkle little star over a...a... paint chip!
25 people give an appropriate thumbs up and later several people add encouraging commentary.
but there is ALWAYS a debbie downer lurking for a chance to rain on a parade. so this was the first comment:
ummmm......I'm sorry, did you seriously just find a way to frowny face my happy post?
naturally, because I'm a babyzilla or an overreactive heartless bitch or something, I deleted it.
My facebook and blog pages may join the ranks in fuelling capitalism, marketing, social brainwashing and illegal government spying unlike any other online forum can, but by golly, I'll censor what I want to.
and that kind of influence tends to start trends that I don't like. so I removed it. "friend" be damned. because sure as I left it up, her words would infect others. and people would start thinking about how sad they were. their children were growing up and OMG I LOST ALL THOSE MOMENTS....
see...that's no way to be
but to prove I'm not completely crazy, our landlord gave us a baby gift and this card and I thought it was effing hilarious
I'm sitting on our deck, reading and listening to a thunderstorm move in from where I suspect is out over the sound. The retail shops on the island may be bustling but surprisingly the condos where we live have been peaceful and quiet. My kind of three day stay-at-home weekend. The breeze, thunder and dark sky have put on enough of a show so the few people at the pool finally decided to abandon ship. I'm staying put and gambling that we probably won't get any rain out of it.
a few weeks ago I found myself without a 'new' book in the house--which was fine because there are always a handful worth re-reading. That day I took The Ocean at the End of the Lane to the beach with me--reading that book again while sitting on the edge of the ocean was pretty wonderful.
a few days later I downloaded a James Lee Burke (my not-really-that-guilty pleasure reading) and dug in. once I was within 50 pages of its ending, I purchased five more books. three used Stephen King paper backs from
Amazon (dare I read SK while prego? we'll give it a shot and see what
happens) and two for my Nook, including another Burke and Gaiman's first sequel to InterWorld because it's about time I get on with reading some of his series books.
I think about it but don't come here often. There seems to be a lot going on, even when it's just coming home from work and falling exhausted on the couch. But basically I'm really happy and feeling peaceful inside, even when everything else seems to be falling into shit....even when I might not act peaceful (usually not unprovoked), it's always there.
We believe his name will be Henry Louis.
Before I knew I was pregnant I was thinking I haven't accomplished
everything I thought I should have collected under wing by now. I was
feeling professionally stagnated and geographically stuck in a place where I can't find
better work or professional growth and there aren't any schools nearby that I could go to for a graduate degree. And I guess in that place, those things are still true.
But everything--everything--started making sense as time passed this year. I still have months to go.
Things could still go wrong. I still worry. A lot sometimes. Yet somehow I've arrived at the 6 month marker. Most days I still can't believe it's happening. Even with a growing belly from a very very active boy inside, it still often feels a little unreal, like I can't believe I GOT this. I can't believe nothing went wrong. I mean, really what I feel is that I don't deserve this gift of life. I love being pregnant. I will (and do) love being a mother. I will love having a big family one day. I'm part of a truly great marriage. With all it's highs and lows, crazies and wonderfuls, happys and sads and general lack of money, this life is good -- I'll take it.
So excuse me little faithful blog, if I don't come around much. My life is being written out faster than I can talk about it on here. I don't want to miss anything. And hey, that's a good place to be.
I'm still betting the rain won't come. It seems to have flown south, thundering all the way and wrapping around the south east end of the island (where all the tourists are. na na). But my back is killing me from this chair. I've neglected my book for at least an hour, and it's probably about time to go inside and make it look like I haven't been doing only what I want to do all day :) even if I'm really the only one who will notice or care.
Can anyone definitively say the last 20 years have been worse or better without you around? Of course not. I will easily say our lives ARE better because you were a part of them--and you are missed, always. But there's never been any doubt that you've looked after us, regardless of where you have been and are now.
So here's some happy on what would be your Earthly 74th.
"it's a big ball of unbelievable excitement and sheer terror"
that's what I somewhat jokingly (but completely seriously) confessed to someone yesterday who I've never met and had only yesterday talked to
"you just summed up motherhood perfectly"
is what she said in return
and for whatever reason that's probably the most comforting thing I've been told thus far. for the last 8 weeks I have somehow carried on my daily activities while simultaneously existing in an all consuming state of disbelief, fear, thankfulness, wonder, bewilderment, terror, doubt, curiosity and near-bursting happiness cloaked in equally suffocating caution.
It is everything and nothing like I thought it would be. It's its own thing. Which shouldn't be surprising, but is. Probably because of the obvious fact that it's never happened to me before.
The duration of January was spent in complete submission to a protective instinct that was so ferocious it amazed even me. I was distinctly aware of every single thing that could jeopardize something I had absolutely no clue how to effectively protect. It is winter, it is flu season, people coughing and sneezing everywhere. I drove with my car's vents off so less exhaust would come in, bad smells made me immediately cover my face, not giving a damn who might see me. I saw(see), and cursed (curse), every. single. cigarette. When Rob casually used his dinner knife to cut a piece of butter it infuriated me. How could he not know bacteria were everywhere? What do you mean that food is "probably okay" after sitting out over night?"....how could he be so selfish and cluelss...how could he not FEEL the frantic I was feeling?
haha (pretty damn easy)
And then there was the subtle pain. Every cramp. Every twinge. Every little feeling would send me to the bathroom. Turns out there's a lot of that early on. No one told me about it but I'll never forget it so that hopefully one day I can reassure someone, even if it's myself. Little pains were something I was afraid of and relied on on a daily basis. When they subsided I wanted them back. When they arrived, I prayed they would go away as quietly as they came.
Everything you read about early pregnancy is a congratulation with a warning. "miscarriage," "25%" and "not uncommon" are repeated in the same sentences over and over on every site. Just when I'd start to feel a little less apprehensive, just when I'd think "hmm, that's a cute maternity bathing suit" something would come along that would shatter any confidence I'd had the audacity of having. Viscious cycle.
While we could have had it sooner, our first doppler is next week. Google what to expect from that and somewhere on whatever page you read you'll find a thread of sad mothers who excitedly arrived at their first doppler or ultrasound only to be met with quiet nurses and the news that it was gone. Some women went a month or more thinking they were still pregnant only to find the fetus had "died" at 4 or 6 weeks. I mean, the shit that can happen is TERRIBLE!!! That day Rob came home from work to find me sitting in the dark crying on the couch with the laptop glaring evil in my face.....once you read it it's hard to stop. The horror stories go on an on.
And notice I said "while we could have had it sooner"....some doctors just aren't in a rush to get things going when they find out it's your first pregnancy. The only rationality that consistently makes sense is that damned 25% factor is f'ing real and no one is in a rush to get excited. Our midwife is wonderful, calm, intelligent....I'm 100% confident we made a great choice, and when I said we were in no major hurries it seemed and felt like the right answer, if there is one. I asked her about the dreaded 25% and she nodded and said yes but you can't focus on that. And that was it. I think if we were an anxious couple she would have obliged us whatever we wanted, but I said we'd go on her suggestions, so I'll be verging on the second trimester marker (hopefully) when we finally hear a heartbeat. It doesn't alarm me, but time can be a blessing and a curse. I don't know that I would, or knowing me, could, do anything different, it's just that way.
But the fears and dreads are things you cannot say to anyone. I made the mistake of sharing what I read with my aunt and she reacted as if I'd uttered a witch's curse. I immediately understood and felt awkward at the complex irony of reality. These are fears that are based on reality but you have to tuck them deep inside and can never say them out loud. They are things that scare people who want to be happy. So, you get to be the lonely keeper. Not that I'm completely alone. I sometimes feel bad that Rob is the one to bear the burden of having me as a pregnant wife and all the highs and lows and bizarre emergences. Many days I have been an alien even to myself. And he is eternally patient and reassuring, or at least is putting on an act of his own (but then aren't we all).
But...when people ask me how I feel (most common question ever) I can only say I feel great. I do. I've never felt bad, just major changes going on. But I feel better now than I did 3 weeks ago. And hell if I know if that's normal or not. I feel less boggy and have more energy. I can sometimes stay awake past 9:30 pm. The fact that we ever got a positive test is still unbelievable. The fact that I'm 31 about to be 32 and this is really happening. That our baby (hypothetically since we still haven't "seen" anything) is supposed to be "the size of a large plum," has fingers, toes, a nervous system, and is about to start forming organs....I mean...wow! This has got to be one of the most amazing things to live through and have absolutely nothing to show for it (yet). The idea that if all goes well we'll have to dig a hole in the beach sand for me to get sun on the backs of my legs, that makes me laugh. That timing lent itself perfectly to telling my mom on her favorite holiday of the year -- priceless. Having just about the most excited and thrilled family ever known to mankind is a wonderful and humbling and happy thing. Finally having little dreams of who this person might be is fascinating.....that it's always a little girl makes me want to go have an ultrasound tomorrow to see what's really going on. Did we really ever think we wanted a boy first? because it doesn't make a bit of a difference now. It's a really really hard thing to describe.
It's a big damn ball of excitement and terror.
So those responding words coming from a woman I didn't know, who didn't know me--a mother of a 10 year old with learning problems and 6 year old with a powerful personality....they felt like a big, clean band-aid with a giant goop of pain relieving neosporin on it. And the fear wound healed just a little bit and reminded me that none of us have a lick of control and life is going to continue so we'd better just do our best to hang on.
There's my first official prego blog. Boom. And a lot shorter than it could have been!
my new favorite blog to peruse....not a mom yet (wait...yes I actually AM. almost :) but you don't have to be a mom, or even a woman, to appreciate this post. Thank you, kind lady.
I've been blogging in the closet lately, not publishing anything. it's actually better than journaling...mainly because I lose motivation when I have to handwrite a lot of words. But this was sent to me from pa wayne. I suppose I am also in this category as I can relate to many/most. For anyone who wonders, "oh God, did I leave the (dryer, stove, iron, oven) on....did I lock the (front, back, garage, car) door?"
In reality we should just give ourselves more credit. And perhaps slow down a bit and process our moments more than the big picture. But it helps to know we're not alone, esp through humor. Because being a human is damn funny most of the time.
23 ADULT TRUTHS
1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
(I kinda like cursive)
7. Map Quest or Google Maps really need to start their directions on #5, because I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.
17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
By Julianne Ross 
