Sunday, May 25, 2014
Sunday
I'm sitting on our deck, reading and listening to a thunderstorm move in from where I suspect is out over the sound. The retail shops on the island may be bustling but surprisingly the condos where we live have been peaceful and quiet. My kind of three day stay-at-home weekend. The breeze, thunder and dark sky have put on enough of a show so the few people at the pool finally decided to abandon ship. I'm staying put and gambling that we probably won't get any rain out of it.
a few weeks ago I found myself without a 'new' book in the house--which was fine because there are always a handful worth re-reading. That day I took The Ocean at the End of the Lane to the beach with me--reading that book again while sitting on the edge of the ocean was pretty wonderful.
a few days later I downloaded a James Lee Burke (my not-really-that-guilty pleasure reading) and dug in. once I was within 50 pages of its ending, I purchased five more books. three used Stephen King paper backs from Amazon (dare I read SK while prego? we'll give it a shot and see what happens) and two for my Nook, including another Burke and Gaiman's first sequel to InterWorld because it's about time I get on with reading some of his series books.
I think about it but don't come here often. There seems to be a lot going on, even when it's just coming home from work and falling exhausted on the couch. But basically I'm really happy and feeling peaceful inside, even when everything else seems to be falling into shit....even when I might not act peaceful (usually not unprovoked), it's always there.
We believe his name will be Henry Louis.
Before I knew I was pregnant I was thinking I haven't accomplished everything I thought I should have collected under wing by now. I was feeling professionally stagnated and geographically stuck in a place where I can't find better work or professional growth and there aren't any schools nearby that I could go to for a graduate degree. And I guess in that place, those things are still true.
But everything--everything--started making sense as time passed this year. I still have months to go. Things could still go wrong. I still worry. A lot sometimes. Yet somehow I've arrived at the 6 month marker. Most days I still can't believe it's happening. Even with a growing belly from a very very active boy inside, it still often feels a little unreal, like I can't believe I GOT this. I can't believe nothing went wrong. I mean, really what I feel is that I don't deserve this gift of life. I love being pregnant. I will (and do) love being a mother. I will love having a big family one day. I'm part of a truly great marriage. With all it's highs and lows, crazies and wonderfuls, happys and sads and general lack of money, this life is good -- I'll take it.
So excuse me little faithful blog, if I don't come around much. My life is being written out faster than I can talk about it on here. I don't want to miss anything. And hey, that's a good place to be.
I'm still betting the rain won't come. It seems to have flown south, thundering all the way and wrapping around the south east end of the island (where all the tourists are. na na). But my back is killing me from this chair. I've neglected my book for at least an hour, and it's probably about time to go inside and make it look like I haven't been doing only what I want to do all day :) even if I'm really the only one who will notice or care.
Tootles
a few weeks ago I found myself without a 'new' book in the house--which was fine because there are always a handful worth re-reading. That day I took The Ocean at the End of the Lane to the beach with me--reading that book again while sitting on the edge of the ocean was pretty wonderful.
a few days later I downloaded a James Lee Burke (my not-really-that-guilty pleasure reading) and dug in. once I was within 50 pages of its ending, I purchased five more books. three used Stephen King paper backs from Amazon (dare I read SK while prego? we'll give it a shot and see what happens) and two for my Nook, including another Burke and Gaiman's first sequel to InterWorld because it's about time I get on with reading some of his series books.
I think about it but don't come here often. There seems to be a lot going on, even when it's just coming home from work and falling exhausted on the couch. But basically I'm really happy and feeling peaceful inside, even when everything else seems to be falling into shit....even when I might not act peaceful (usually not unprovoked), it's always there.
We believe his name will be Henry Louis.
Before I knew I was pregnant I was thinking I haven't accomplished everything I thought I should have collected under wing by now. I was feeling professionally stagnated and geographically stuck in a place where I can't find better work or professional growth and there aren't any schools nearby that I could go to for a graduate degree. And I guess in that place, those things are still true.
But everything--everything--started making sense as time passed this year. I still have months to go. Things could still go wrong. I still worry. A lot sometimes. Yet somehow I've arrived at the 6 month marker. Most days I still can't believe it's happening. Even with a growing belly from a very very active boy inside, it still often feels a little unreal, like I can't believe I GOT this. I can't believe nothing went wrong. I mean, really what I feel is that I don't deserve this gift of life. I love being pregnant. I will (and do) love being a mother. I will love having a big family one day. I'm part of a truly great marriage. With all it's highs and lows, crazies and wonderfuls, happys and sads and general lack of money, this life is good -- I'll take it.
So excuse me little faithful blog, if I don't come around much. My life is being written out faster than I can talk about it on here. I don't want to miss anything. And hey, that's a good place to be.
I'm still betting the rain won't come. It seems to have flown south, thundering all the way and wrapping around the south east end of the island (where all the tourists are. na na). But my back is killing me from this chair. I've neglected my book for at least an hour, and it's probably about time to go inside and make it look like I haven't been doing only what I want to do all day :) even if I'm really the only one who will notice or care.
Tootles
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)