"....it's a loop hole that Jesus didn't anticipate" - Colbert

holy mother of moses I almost forgot....LENT!!!! What kind of non-Catholic-Lent-participator-because-its-the-hip-thing-to-do-even-if-we-dont-know-what-it-means am I????

So I've shared this with a few people here at work, but I want to make it blog-public.

While I did not don the smudge...I did do something to join the masses (no pun intended...hehe) and I vowed to give up something. And since I'm not Catholic I used my protestant-raised card to alter my commitment to something I enjoy even though it's not really that important to me. And that would be: Soy.

But as a gesture of my faith, because I'm being sincere about this. I upgraded my period of abstanance from Lent-time to LIFETIME.

no more soy...permanently

whoa.....and that made me just realize...

SOY

LENT

green is people, man


(giggles hysterically as she runs from the office...)

A long story about You Just Can't Fix Stupid

Much to my chagrin, the Apotasaurus concept never caught on.

I do confess I am the least bit consoled by the fact that, after a great deal of rigmarole (I almost said "male rigmarole" but I struggled with it being an oxymoron while at the same time knowing that since Rob was supervising, things actually were resolved--but then again, we both have our suspicions that he may have an ovary in there somewhere).

So there is this fascinating thing about maintenance contractors. It reminds me a lot of a similar phenomenon that occurs with many used car salesmen. There might be a whole heap of intelligence in there, but you'd never know it because if it's there it's entirely coated in a thick layer of.....well....bullshit.

Now, I would never say it applies to each and every one of them, because on occasion I have met several very competent, friendly contractors (less frequent with car salesmen) who actually take pride in the rarely embraced concept of doing a good job and the even more uncommon the first time. Ironically, I seem to encounter these folk after I, like so many, have been the recipient of a great load of bullshit and have finally put my foot down, so to speak. And that is what most of the aforementioned men (and some women) would call, "being a bitch."

And I have to say that this time I didn't have to be a bitch. I really like that. I mean, I REALLY like that.  But it doesn't mean they didn't try their best hand with Rob...

the HVAC guy inspects the heat pump/furnace in the attic and emerges, as I've said, scratching his butt and shrugging his shoulders....Rob follows him outside where he's taking a gander at where the power wires enter the roof. The HVAC guy notes that the insulation on the main wire entering the house has been torn off, most likely by those furry little acrobats we call squirrels. So he says "th'insulations torn off of that power wire there, so that loud noise y'all heard was prob'bly one of them squirrels getting 'lectricuted." Rob listened to this, took a moment to reflect, glanced around and said, "hmh. that's weird, there should be six or seven dead squirrels lying around here on the ground"....to which the HVAC guy responds, "well, maybe a cat drug 'em off"

I'd been home for a few minutes that evening when Roy the electrician stopped by on his way home from work -- cause he just lived a street over. After a brief viewing of the exterior of the house his response to me was "well, whatever it is it'll be on Georgia Power, not us." So I said "well the HVAC guy said there was a bit of rodent activity in the attic....so there might be damage to some of the wires in the attic, we just want to make sure there's no fire hazard." Roy starts walking away as I'm talking and when I say "fire hazard he stops, tilts his head a bit, squints his eyes and says, "What's your last name?" -- this was funny because Louis Oalmann was my Papa, so I learned all these tricks.....and the last name game is just a way of asking who your Daddy is...and back in the day it could be followed by, "what does your Daddy do"...but, it is also a backhanded way of implying they're highly suspicious you might be a trouble maker...probably because your Daddy was one. Times like this I wish I could morph INTO my Papa so that I would have the proper presence to dish shit right back at an asshole of this type. Anyway, Roy was no help.

I pondered that the rest of the evening. All Rob and I were asking was that the problem be identified and repaired. And thus far everyone who had come to the house had done nothing more than waste our time from work, accomplish nothing and point the finger at someone else. WEIRD!

Yesterday Rob had the day off so he was home all day to supervise and direct the cat-herding of getting these contractors to actually do what they need to do. The Terminex guy was great. He did a thorough inspection of the entire house, confirmed our attic had indeed over the years been allowed to become a "rodent playground" (though when I made these reports to our landlady they were laughed off as "squirrels on the roof"...grrrr)...I mean, sure squirrels are way better to think about than RATS, but reality is reality. Anyway, the Terminex guy actually continued his "work," set traps, patched entry points and will be back tomorrow to follow-up and possibly lay down poison under the house. Thank you Terminex.

And when Georgia Power came out they called Roy and waited at the house until he got there to repair what was indeed his job to repair...a "lug" that was improperly installed AND the wrong kind to go on the back of the meter. Good boy, Roy.

I have already drafted the letter to the owner that we will not be renewing our lease at the end of March and I have an appointment next week to view a condo where we will most likely be living as of April 1st! Whooooooo Hooooooooo happy day.

things that go bump in the night

Ian Malcom: God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs.

Ellie Sattler: Dinosaurs eat man.....woman inherits the earth.
-Jurrasic Park 

No one believes me thus far, so I figure if I blog about it, at least there is a semi-public record of my feelings about our current situation and the things that may or may not be done about it.

I won't waste time getting to the point. I have determined that one of two explanations is true regarding the current (and undoubtedly ongoing) circumstances of 207 Anguilla. 

Scenario One: The house looks cute and quaint from the curb and has a rather extravagant irrigation system throughout it's landscaped yards, but the homes innards are the result of cheap, post-war construction, out-dated and most likely "home-made" electrical, plumbing and duct work which after a certain amount of time would have required repairs if not complete reconstruction which was never done and at the most any changes that have been made were made in the cheapest, laziest most assinine and unprofessional ways imaginable, possibly compounded by it's being located about 1 mile from big water and less than 20ft above sea level. And there could be an impressive long-undisturbed rodent establishment throughout the skeleton of the home.

or Scenario Two, which, in case you are wondering, is what I believe is actually going on....

There is a baby Apatosaurus living in the attic directly above our bedroom.

Pretty simple to figure out which one is more likely. I mean, we clearly have a dinosaur in our house. He or she is a little bashful and a little clumsy and really only emerges between the hours of 12:45 and 2 or 3am. This also very easily explains why the contractors who came to the house today merely emerged scratching their butts and shrugging their shoulders and mumbling something about how the reason Rob and I were wide awake in the middle of the night last night--stalking through the house with flashlights and eventually sleeping in the guest room for fear that part of the house might collapse--is actually due to something more along the lines of Scenario One.

And we all know that is just not true. 

and one more reason I have way better things to do than "work" today...

for Roberto and his quest for the perfect stash...compliments of www.OldTomFoolery.com

things that make me laugh hard and talk out loud to myself in public places

it's gettin real in the Winn-Dixie parking lot...

a bright sunny beautiful 27 degree morning in the coastal south

this morning's dream turned out to be cool enough that I still remember it, so I'm writing...err, typing... it down...err, on this blog.

there are a lot of details I don't remember, but I believe my imagination crafted most of the details from a combination of movies I've watched this week. Friday night we watched TRON (Legacy, not the original/classic...also good), and last night we watched 9 (a favorite of mine).

In my dream I went to work (work was much darker than usual...like the aforementioned films) and I was talking to a member who I have grown very close to over the last few years. This isn't far from my daily routine at work. In real life he is a retired newspaper owner/editor from Athens, GA and he had polio when he was little. He recalls summers spent at Roosevelt Rehabilitation center in Warm Springs, GA (near where I used to work and where my parents now live) and he regained the ability to walk but lost it about 4 years ago because his legs were too weak to support the results of what he refers to as a love for ice cream. And he does not want to give up ice cream, but he says he walked enough in life to be okay with that. That sounds like it could be sad, but he's a pretty happy person, and he is a very good friend of mine. In real life we read the newspaper together (which is just an excuse for sitting in my office talking about whatever comes to mind). So to be hanging out with Graham in my dream assured me it simply could not end poorly.

In my dream I had been talking to him in his apartment and he was waiting for his daughter to get home -- about to turn in for the evening (his daughter turned out to be my step-fathers daughter Lynn, and she turned out to be pregnant, but that was another wormhole in the dream). I was doing research at a computer in their living room, and what I was researching was a hypothesis that I had been talking about with a college professor of mine (who was actually my social neuroscience prof at GSU), that our galaxy, and possibly universe, instead of being connected to other galaxies and universes by gases and black holes and nothingness, was connected by a sort of liquid -- very similar to water -- but much darker. When I actually SAW the water in my dream it was exactly like the ocean at the ending of TRON (2010).

The end of my dream found me trying to get away from a group of people who wanted to hide this discovery from the rest of the world.  I was standing on the edge of this black ocean that I believed connected worlds. And the only obvious path of escape was to attempt to swim to the next world (I say world here b/c in my dream we referred to them as universes, but it could have been galaxies). So I jumped in and started swimming. And swimming in the space fluid was much easier than regular water, and I could swim much faster than I can in water....and I MADE it to the next world. I slowed down my pace and paddled through a large gate that looked like a chain link fence and was partially submerged. Through the gate and to my right there was an old wooden-looking dock and at the far end of the dock was a dilapidated 'boat house.' I swam closer to the dock because I was getting tired but I was also seriously debating on whether getting out of the liquid it was a safe idea, if gravity was the same in this new place, and what beings might emerge to investigate this visitor from the Milky Way. Then, something did step out from the shadows on the dock. It was small but seemed large at the same time, and it hesitantly but hurriedly came to the edge of the dock. Just before I woke up the little creature kneeled down and reached out to help me out of the water--and it was Number 9.

la fenêtre

...an early morning, while-driving, one-handed, not-looking, phone-camera shot of the sun through the passenger window of my car

" Serious Power "

Considering my previous post, I feel I owe this company a shout-out (I would say advertising but the travelers through here are few and far between). Whether my cold finally wore out its welcome or this stuff actually worked, one way or another I woke up a day later feeling nearly normal again. It doesn't taste great, but, by golly, it has my stamp.

Theraflu

anatomy of the seasonal cold aches and pains. a list of ten. and then some.

1. the epidermis on and around my nose. it peeled two days ago. today it just looks like I sat in the sun for three hours with a lead blanket covering my entire body except for a cutout right around the snout. not. attractive.

2. the rest of the skin, full thickness, on my entire face and scalp

3. my entire sinus cavity, which is also pressurized just enough to make my ears pop occasionally

4. my gums, and consequently

5. my teeth...I suddenly have very vivid memories of waking up the day after an orthodontist visit

6. the hair follicles of each individual eyelash...both eyes

7. my throat (but only when I cough, sneeze or breath)

8. my brain--right there where the temples are (the well known "sinus headache") but I feel it may also extend into my temporal lobe because my decision making and reasoning skills have been somewhat muted this week....and my hippocampus is probably also involved since I've felt like a dementia sufferer all week (but that could have already been there just less noticeable)

 9.  the joints in my wrists and fingers

and just so I have an even number of woes

10. my right big toe from where I stubbed it earlier coming in from getting the mail (what, that doesn't count?)

It doesn't help that Rob has been out of town for three weeks and won't be home until Sunday. It also doesn't help that my cat Stella has proven herself completely useless as a nurse. And because I like the number 3 (I have a thing for numbers), I will add that it really really doesn't help that my mom is 5 hours away.

Woe. Woe is me.

[goes to bed]