some violent and disturbing content, and language

this was the precurser to the film i watched tonight (The Changling)

but. ahem. at what point in time did "language" escape the realms of "content" ??

and quinton terintino has been in the last two movies i've seen. and if i see one MORE film with the Burn Notice dude in it i'll scream. he's so...i don't know. something's just wrong with him. why is he so popular???

i am obviously way out of the movie scene these days.

and apparently in need of netflix. anyone want to gift me a few months?

have been flu-sick this week and out of work. my rest caught up with me today so i'm up late but beginning to wane. actually looking forward to work tomorrow.

even though my energy level is still faltering, i started feeling better around 7pm and am about ready to crash again for a few hours sleep. a few days of work (god help me. theres no telling what's in store when i go back) then i'm going to my parents for a few days. mom has met her limit on time away from south carolina so it means that daddy-wayne and i will have some paw-daughter time which is always a pleasure.
bed

Model Girl

got a few pictures from Kevin's recent trip to NY with his daughter Meg. Considering I bonded with her as "dad's girlfriend" for over 2 years ( I know that's not much to some of you, but it is to me) I feel privelaged to post some great photos. She's grown up quite a bit since I first knew her, and I have to say she's turned out quite lovely. So this is Megan Justice.

LISTLESS

adjective; having or showing little or no interest in anything; languid; spiritless; indifferent

Isn't it such a blah way to describe oneself? But here's me in a nutshell these days. Not that I don't make great efforts every day to FIND something to strike my fancy, perk me up, pick me up.... but there isn't anywhere within reach at the moment to offer any comfort. Work. Home. both places I don't really enjoy being right now. Both places surrounded and filled up by insincerity and confusion.

It's odd when some relationships end you feel a little lost and eventually move on, and then in some you feel gutted. royally screwed. endlessly bitter. And then some just leave you feeling...for lack of less-cliche wording--wounded--not mortally and nothing catastrophic. but just enough to take your breath away a little and knock you off balance. and the amount of hurt surprises you with intensity. just enough that you have a little smidge of fear lurking in your mind whispering "look now. everything could fall apart if you just let go. look how careless you were with your feelings. look how clumsy"

And then some jobs seem promising. They start out really well and the little red flags that popped up from time to time were nothing to sniff at. Easy to get over and forget. Then one day a big fire-engine red one jumps into your face and you think "what the hell have I gotten myself into this time?"

For shits and giggles, lets toss into the equation that your house is quite literally falling apart. One cracked wall here, one sunken floorboard there, and oh, notice the ceiling in the guest room....or that stomach-sinking soft spot in the roof that you notice while cleaning the gutters.

All of it put together looks like a big kings chair. And you can't help but just sit in it and think...where do I begin now. Where do I start to work to make things better.

I'm sitting. And all I have here is this little miniature chisel--to craft something beautiful out of this heavy thing....

Over the river and through the woods.

my handsome brother and me. Turkey Day at Nana's house.

curiosity killed the cat

i've been pondering abandoning the face-poo for the old blog. i sortof miss the blogging days. much more stimulating and much less cluttered with random useless applications. (no offense to those who collect them all, seriously)

tonight over dinner with mom and her coworker I realized that this past Saturday (the 15th) was the 1st year anniversary of the day I closed on my little Newnan bungalow. awwww.

just returned from an amazing trip to northern West Virginny. beautiful countryside and a great place to visit for a few days. many many thanks to Willy, Robbie and Chip for making me laugh so hard my stomach hurt for days! and if anyone ever travels to Thomas, WV--be sure to stop by Mountain State Brewery for some sweet suds.

at work we are in "audit mode" as no one escapes the eyes of the government. but i suppose someone has to do it. might as well be....you know....them.....shhhh. so everyone has to be in at 7:30am until our preliminary review is over. then beginning in february we'll be getting to work at 7am until the state actually does come in to kick-ass and take names. it's hard to believe we're prepping for 2009 and it seems like we just celebrated our great turnout from this past march. hopefully we'll be even better next year.

i'm excited to have been invited on a plane ride next monday. i dont think i've been in a small plane since i was 13ish. at least this time i wont be steering! nor will we be flitting over the gusty dunes of kill devil hills!

i miss my best friend who's out in arizona somewhere (are you still out there?) i'm sending love and good karma over the cyber waves to you lapo :) and heith of course! my next vaca is going to be out to see them. wherever they are. i've spent enough time on this side of the country.

enough of this for now.

cheers to all (or none! eek)

ahh. summer days.

well, summer has come and gone, but i reminisce.
labor day weekend mom, stefan, jack nevins and i ventured to the old roosevelt pools they open once a year to take a "dip in the past" in the mineral warm springs. it was a fun time. literally like going back in time and great fun. thank you mom and stef and jack for venturing back into our childhood personas (minus stefan being a buggar and splashing everyone!)

sometimes the picture speaks for it'self....

one part sun, one part sand, two parts trickery

the sounds of a jet overhead are going up and down, like blowing across the top of a beer bottle with only the suds and a little liquid sloshing in the bottom.


Dear Blog,

It's been a while, so I'll keep it short and to the point.


Summer is in full throttle and I didn't even notice winter pass by except that I had to put my favorite argyle sweater away after sweating it out a few days at the office.

I work with the elderly. For some reason I connect with older folks than younger ones, particularly those my age, which is also probably why I'm still "single"....or at least not in a relationship that will go anywhere fullfilling...but then, what is fullfilling. Maybe just a socially-imparted idea of what a 26 yr old female is suppose to be looking for. hmmm.

but then again, I was never that great at philosophy.

I have new a pup and an almost-year-old-to-me home, Stella is still as neuroic as I've raised her to be, my car from high school still loyally plugging along. The brother is digging into his first out of college engineering job making more than I have managed to in three years of ladder-climbing, mom and Wayne will celebrate an anniversary in marriage in Sept and in owning the "Big House" just after my "Little House" anni in November. Things move along. Just as time deems them too.

recently learned that mosquitos carry heartworm to dogs, so I suppose we should stick to the prevention remedy seeing as the buzzers around my Newnan home are as large and daring as mice to a cheesed trap! I've so far ignored the fleas my cat is scratching at and trying to budget as much as possible for the ever-rising price of petro. Someone tells me they make hydrogen cars now....only problem is you have to move to one of two places in California to fuel them. clincher!

it's a lazy summer 80 degrees in the shade of the porch and there's a fountain in the marsh river beyond our condo that is setting the tempo for the tunes of afternoon bugs and heat. all in all, it's relaxing. i dont leave until tomorrow.

the holiday shuffle!

WHEW! this holiday season has whizzed by like a flash!

I closed on and moved (mostly) into my new home just before the Thanksgiving trip. Finished the moving right after we returned, and am still unpacking, liquidating, realizing THIS IS MY HOUSE! WOO HOO. I was happy with the home, but too stressed with work, and a little gift from the universe came floating to me in the form of a new job. I'll be starting there Jan 7th and am looking forward to it with great immensity. The first week of the new year I have OFF, and it's great. Though I'm sad that the other women I've worked with are still in the hellish environment I have somehow crawled out of. Not to mention I will miss the kids and families I've worked with. I reconcile with myself that I did what I could, and will do better elsewhere.


(my scraggly little Christmas tree snuggled into the living room)



(this is me with two of the most wonderful boys I've ever worked with. Their kind family invited me to their Christmas play and Chris and Caleb humored me with a kodak moment! They are so cute! I wish all the best to the Caballero family)

Thanks-giving

Turkey-day eve found us boarding a plane to Maryland. We loaded up in the rental Durango and headed to Ocean Pines where we stayed for three days with Dad and Judy. That VERY freezing and blustery Friday John took us to Asseteague National Seashore where I had a surprise nuzzle from a curious wild pony and we played daily with Kevin's BEAUTIFUL neice Mya. Saturday we drove up to Westminster where Kevin spent his early years. There we went Christmas-tree fetching with Kev's sister Kim, her husband Rajen (thanks for the tour of your fancy store!~) and their two handsome boys. Visited with Kevins surrogate parents Mr and Mrs Meerdter and then said adios to the northern sector and took the long flight home. I missed my own family's Thanksgiving celebrations, but I'm glad I was able to enjoy my time with such a great bunch of folks. Most of Judy's family is from my fav city Savannah, so I fit right in! And no one really minded my heavy southern accent either :)


(the crew. Jim, Kev, Kristen, John & Mya at Asseteague)


(here's your sign!)


(Kev and his Dad at their Ocean Pines resort!)


(Kevin and me at the Christmas tree farm in Westminster)


(thank you Maria for coming up and hanging out! I had a great time! and am in midst of a LONG email to ya)


(the oh-so-cute Mya! Compliments of Kevin's sweet sister Kristen and her hubby Jim)

BOO!

for all the years I've wished for a home with multitudes of trick-or-treaters, I have NEVER met my match as I just did at my house in Newnan, GA.

holy monsters! at one point I opened the door and before i even saw a masked face i heard a parent say "wait jacob, theres a line, wait your turn"....i peeked around the corner of my door to see about 30 costumed children. all muttering and yelping "trick or treat!" --down the road, crowds and crowds of children ventured from house to house to gather treats. it was fantastic!

and a little overwhelming. i ran out of $30 worth of candy before dark, and flipped off the porch light before i had to give bad news to the next round of spidermen, storm troopers, cinderellas, pirates, fairy princesses and gypsies....better luck next year.

the big victorian home across the street had a great display, with lights and spooky music playing until 7pm.

after scraping the bottom of the candy cauldron, i snuck upstairs to watch the late evening halloween goers (the ones i wish i still had candy for, because halloween is only really fun after dark) next year i'll play up a big shabang, and hopefully have a pumpkin carving party for all the friends who still dont mind driving way down (or up, or over) to newnan.

on my way home from work, i saw one house where the owners were dressed up like the adams family. face paint and all. and at first i felt bad that i didn't put that much effort into halloween. but then i though. shoot, when you're retired you can do that sort of thing!" and settled on being a good treater just for having some candy.

and i stress "candy" because during our visit to "wal-fart" as it is so endearingly called by beaux kev, i stated that i wanted to give "healthy" treats. like apples and granola bars. and was immediately corrected and stood so as i realized i was verging on becoming "one of those" who seem to RUIN halloween by giving such "treats" that totally evade the purpose of children gaining as much chocolate and sugar as possible. i remembered dumping my pumpkin bucket out in the living room floor and being entirely too excited about milky way bars and kit kats, and only caring for the boxes of raisins because when empty you could make deafening whistles and squeals with them. haha. so i bought bags and bags of CANDY. good old mini candy bars, goobers, pixie stix!, warheads, doublebubble, malted balls and sugar daddys.

right before i ran out, i was sitting on the front porch with my bowl of goodies, and i heard a little boy yell from down the street "hey daddy, a light! yay! a porch light!" because most of the houses around here had resigned themselves for the night. and i giddily wished them all a happy halloween and dumped the rest of my sugary bounty into their orange cellophane bags.

a few "good" parents made sure their kids said "thank you" and i heard threats to take away some treat bags if their kiddies weren't saying it. hilarious. some little kids were so terrified by the really scary costumes that they were already crying by the time they got to my porch. hah. i didn't even have time to dress up so it wasn't me. but there were a few masks that even spooked me!

and so a good time was had by myself and my terribly inquisitive kitties, who, being black, made a feast of being the great center of attention this time of year.

so Happy Halloween to all. and to all a good night.

yesterday

i remembered that there were several occasions that my dad would pick me up from school to take me to the orthodontist. or the dentist maybe. but i only remember it was just him and me. and on the way home we almost always stopped by the TCBY in spartanburg because i seem to remember it was a ritual of ours. and i would always get the rasberry yogurt and dad got the cookie dough ice cream though he preferred neopolitan at home. but then they stopped making the rasberry, so we both would get the cookie dough soft icecream in a big cup.

come to think of it it's pretty funny that my father took us to an ice cream parlor after leaving the dentist. it must've been the ortho. i just dont think dads psychosis would have allowed him to buy his child ice cream after the "fluoride treatment"

anyway it was one day we stopped and i dont know why i was with him because we had definitly gone to the dentist for him to have a tooth pulled. maybe i really had had my teeth cleaned. and maybe mom had met us there and stefan had ridden home with her. i just dont remember much about those things. but i would only go to dr. wynn if dad was there because i never wanted to sit in the chair by myself i always had to sit on top of dad. hah. i mean, i was a serious daddys girl. no wonder mom didn't like me that much.

but i remembered this one occasion that on the way home (and after getting icecream) we had stopped in traffic and i was laughing because he had been given novacaine so his face was numb and he kept drooling out of the corner of his mouth and had opened the door to spit (in case you're wondering, not "to spit" like a redneck with chew, but to spit, like, out of necessity...okay whatever). But he couldn't really spit well because his mouth was so numb and he ended up getting more saliva on his face anyway. And he was trying to give me the "scientific" reasons why his face was numb and telling me if i ever had my mouth numbed at the dentist to be careful that i not bite my lip because it would swell up and be injured even though i woudlnt feel it (of course, this i simply thought was absolutely cool and always planned to bite my lip if i ever had it numbed. and i think i actually did once and had a "busted" lip for a week or so) and then he bit his lip accidentally. it was pretty funny.

"the lion sleeps tonight" is always in the background of these memories because it was one of our favorite songs to sing. and he always sang the high parts. haha.

so as you probably already know. these times we were in the car, we always listened to oldies. 93.3 to be exact. when they were an oldies station. it was like an addiction. so we were almost back to wdf and i dont remember why. it seems that there were always understood reasons that were never spoken about. but instead of going home or back to school or wherever it was that i guess we were supposed to have gone. we drove past the wdf house and down to van patton shoals and we got out of the jeep and walked down to the bridge and looked over at the water and finished eating the cookie dough smoothies.

i just remembered that a few weeks ago. i dont know why.

and last time time i was in SC i cleaned out my bedroom closet and threw a ton of crap away. and i came across a program to this concert dad took me to. it must have been in 1992 or 93. about 4 or 5 groups of "oldies" singers reunited at the spartanburg memorial auditorium. and i wore a kelly green notre dam sweatshirt and some cheap imposter perfume i'd gotten at rite aid that i thought smelled really good. it was one of those "if you like Emerald, you'll love _________" in the little mini aerosol cans.

i remember being slighly terrified. but it was probably one of the best experiences of my childhood.

and thumbing through the pages of that program, i realized almost every single member of each group that was there had autographed it and written little things to me. you know, like "best wishes to Rachel" and "Dear Rachel, keep on rockin!" though i can't remember getting all of them. i do remember being afraid of all the grown ups there. some of them were drunk. and most of that night is naturally pretty fuzzy just from years that have passed adn clouded that occasion.

but i remember dancing in the aisle. and i remember the Platters and singing "peppermint twist" at the top of my lungs and knowing it was okay to yell because dad was doing it too.

these are things i remember that made my childhood really, really good.

so to all the dads out there who do stuff like this with your kids.

thank you.

A Perfect Summer Vacation

Better Late than Never

On Sept. 9th Mom and Wayne celebrated their first anniversary together. They went to Atlanta and stayed at the Marriot for a week--snooped around all the museums and swanky resturants they could find.



They managed this little adventure despite the fact that Wayne suffered a heart arrythmia on the preceding Wednesday. Doctors suspected a heart attack, but luckily it wasn't quite as serious. Think good thoughts for him as he begins to whip back into shape and keep an eye on his fluttering heart.

Heard it in a song

this morning on my way home from oil change, coffee and amusing myself in our palmetto garden, and, as i listened to my favorite country music station, i heard a song that helped me nail down a few ofthe reasons why i love my job, and particularly, why i love working with teenagers, when so many people toss their hands in the air. the chorus is some part of an explanation:

can't think of the singer at the moment. but he summed it up nicely.



we were wanna be rebels that didn't have a clue
with our rock-n-roll t-shirts and a typically bad attitude
didn't have exucuses for the things we had done
we were brave we were crazy we were mostly
young




i love the bad attitude of teenagers. why? because they deserve to have one, and if they dont, i wonder what is wrong. because teenagers get a raw deal from society. and especially from adults. which is ridiculous. because can't anyone remember what it felt like to wake up in the morning at 15 years old. how about 17.

now. imagine you're in foster care.

right. bad attitude. and i'm right there to soak it up and let them know it's okay! have a bad attitude, because it'll pull you through all the hurt that people put on you at this age. it's a tricky game. and i'll show them how to play it. that could be dangerous..... but hey, i turned out okay......mwahahah

a beautiful day! fall is creepin in.

this afternoon, 50,000 people sat on my neighborhood.

that is my next short bug-story. because midway through the allman bros, I squashed a spider that undoubtedly did not get the memo, and was stuck in the middle of piedmont park as crazy fans rushed in to cover the ground with blankets.

my friends and i were appalled at how many people were upset that other people stepped on their blanket. it became rather annoying actually. did you bring your best blanket? did you remember it was a huge field where thousands of people would squash together to hear music? so why do you give a hell if someone steps on your beloved blanket! bring an old sheet next time and quit yer bitchin. hah. so jess, stephen, brandon and i began ushering people across our blanket. just as a point. and literally, there were many who still refused to step on our blanket. that's how traumatized everyone was from the meanies. I was just there for the music and people-watching. and both were great of course.

Jess and I went to the bathroom that was of course swamped with people, and finally when pee almost started running down my leg, we bribed a guy with $10 (although he didn't take it) to let us in front of him and we both went in and used it at the same time. dont ask how but we did it, and we were in and out in less than 60 seconds. no joke. people who go to concerts need to learn to pee under pressure. then we stood in an equally long but more quickly moving beer line to buy up for our group of six, had the bright idea of seeing if we could make a buck. bought 8beers, and sold the two we didn't need to desperate end-of-the-liners for $20. so we earned 8 bucks. and the buyers didn't seem to give a hoot. so i'm sure between the pee bribe and the beer con we just screwed up our good karma for a solid month. but it was fun while it lasted.

i was wiped out by the end and needed food. so brandon and i go to joes on juniper for a burger, and waited a YEAR for our food. but it was so good when it finally came. so good i forgot to get my sunglasses off the table and now i have to wear my sport glasses until i find a new pair.

kevin and i are going to see Crowded House next week. So i'm going to be musically saturated here soon.

i wonder how many other people have or are going to blog about the concert today or sometime this week. i'm sure i'm one in a thousand. it's like when you were in high school and went to a concert, you want SO badly to wear that shirt the very next day, but you feel like a cheech for doing it. and you do it anyway. hah.

more to come, as i've had an eventful few months since my last post. the newest member, Lupo, is getting bigger and will turn 5mos on the 14th. stella is officially the fat cat i've always wanted her to be. mom and wayne celebrated their 1st anniversay today. i finally went to the beach this summer with my best friends lapo and heifer. my case load at work has quieted (be it only for a week or a few days) to a dull roar. i scavenged a junked miniature antique greenhouse off the side of the road in oakhurst yeserday on the way to see the show. and the jellyfish sting on my foot finally looks a little less gross today. so all is well.

sigh.

peace love and bugs

(and joseph, go ahead and comment on my blog b/c you're a horrible emailer! haha. jk. like i'm any better- and i want an invitation!)

tootle-oo y'all.

we've adopted!

it's a boy!

VONNIE LUPO



of course that would have been a perfect shot but i was meticulously sprawled on the kitchen floor trying to get...what else...the perfect shot.




and Stella....well, lets just say she's slowly warming to the idea of a babe in the crib- note enthusiasm below

Hiss, with a smile-

oh the short weeks of holiday layovers. i still haven't wholley realized that tomorrow, or, today, i should say, is wednesday. this weeks list of "to dos," which is usually long anyway, was hastily carved and whittled into what essentially consists of a three day work week. because, no matter how great my intentions are, theres simply no way for me, at this point, to jump right back on the productive band wagon i fell off of last friday. and in a hurry i might add.

the weekend was a nice time spent in south carolina at our "cabin," as it is so lovingly called....and such a delightful expression considering this quaint hand-carved spectacle of a residence, while padded on all sides by truly old and wonderful wilderness, is also nestled cozily into the very armpit of what may be the closest earthly thing to hell i've ever known. yes, i still call it hell, because when i do acknowledge it, or when it forces me to acknowledge it, it's my very own hell, with my name engraved on it an everything.....and i hope that by my dying day i've either been enlightened into nothingness, or i've found something equally despicable to destest for the end of my years on earth. and c'mon, for all the wonderful things we enjoy in this world, it's simply the balance of life to have a good seething apathy for something.....for some humans its cell phones, noisey people at graduation ceremonies, cars without mufflers....but for me, it's woodruff.

nuff said. kev and i avoided the inner city limits of there, and saturday AND sunday drove out to what still ranks high on my list of great mountain bike trails. saturday we did two laps, and sunday i eeked out one, because i've been a riding slacker. running mostly, but not much of anything this month as i try to rid myself of a cold virus i swear must have been nesting in my left big toe since junior high, because thats the last time i ever had anything so consuming. i lost my voice and everything, which, besides the pain, is pretty cool. i can't sing a damned thing but fleetwood mac. with enough advil and cough syrup, it's probably one of the best side effects i could get from a cold. haha.

okay, enough with the smart-assedness. the point of this blog was a confession.

sometimes. and i do mean sometimes, i buy things based on the uniqueness of their packaging. i figure, well hell, they did a bang up job on that label, who cares if it tastes like crap, it'll look great in my cabinet.....

yea, that's stupid.

anyway, but i do. and tonight i did something i RARELY ever do, and bought some wine based on a cool label. but honestly i did read the back and it sounds good. for all the wine i've tried and narrowed down, i still dont know how to pick out a good zinfandel (and, umm....that'd be the red kind)

so while putting away the assortment of fruits and veggies i bought at the brand spanking new publix that's literally hidden amongst the bushes about 5 miles from my house like something out of a dream. COOL. (i know, so lame) i considered my choices in mother natures bounty.

zucchini. ah yes. a favorite. grapes, pears. ah hah, my daily fruit group. cucumbers. herb salad (buy 2 get $1 off with secret coupons), sweet peppers (red, yellow, and green) chives, limes, garlic, and...then

eggplant

eggplant. that mysterious fruit that i refuse to give up on. sure that one day i'll find a recipe that brings out the secret hidden magnificent flavor. thinking, surely this plant isn't as pallid and tasteless as it has always been every single time i've eaten it. and tried and true, i have yet to find an eggplant recipe that doesn't simply make the eggplant take on the flavor of the seasoning. the texture is okay, but you know, not great enough to make up for a complete lack of robustness that it's exterior boastfully insinuates.
and i realized, with a small gasp, that the eggplant is one of those items i buy because....well.....it looks cool.

so. heres to eggplants and zinfandel.

night night.

POM 400

year after year, the toilet stories continue.

the side of the building where my office is located has one restroom. a nice big one at that. and this morning i went in to get a handful of toilet tissue because my cold is at the rudolph the red and runny nosed phase (it seems to have been moving downward b/c first it was my eyes, now my nose, and i'm noticing a myserious pink tinge coming from my chin...or maybe that's just acne...damn)

so anyway, as i leaned down to grab some toilet paper, which, i might add, is ALWAYS on the wrong way so that you have to unroll it backwards, which is a real pain....seriously, i noticed the roll was getting low so i raised an eyebrow towards the back of the toilet where sometimes extra rolls are stashed, and the side-of-the-eye glance read "M4 POM," but it registered in my head as "NA PALM" and for a brief second i thought, with a combination of disgust and horror, "who the hell would name toilet paper after jellied gasoline explosives....."

well, if you think about it it's a pretty uncomfortable thought. and then, if you are really bored and you think about it a little bit more, it could, in extreme cases, be quite appropriate....which is, i suppose, equally uncomfortable.

ah so the week is drawing to a SLLLLLOOOOOW close. it has seemed, since i took this job, that my weeks take off to a roaring start, inundated with work and phone calls and reviews and meetings and travel....and by thursday the last little farts of business (just to keep with the motif) sputter out, and friday is quite a bit of a decompressor. i think i like it. friday is also casual day at the office. which i really like. because i'm a goober. that's why.

heres to a great weekend. hoping for some sun and some cycling. cheerio!

things of late

holy mother.

today was the first day i can plan to be home for longer than a few days. funny i GOT this job because i was tired of being gone all the time. lucky for me the worst of my travels is over. but the first tang and bite of what's yet to come welcomed itself into my office at a bright and shiney (and a wee bit chilly) 10am this morning.

but. before diving into all that.

i spent one of my favorite holidays, it being Cinco de Mayo, at Mexico Beach, Florida. a little strip of pseudo islandish land off the gulf coast between appalachacola and destin. a dear friend of mine was married on the beach on saturday and i went down friday night and stayed until sunday. saturday i managed to get a little too much sunshine but it didn't really burst into color until later sunday (post shower, which seems to be the time in which sunburns always rear their ugly side) and saturday night had a damned fine time at an outdoor fiesta style reception, followed by a full wedding party take-over at the local (and only, i might add) bar, called Toucans. wee! it was a much needed vacation after 6 weeks of mind numbing training and travel for work.

ah work. okay. i actually do still feel very niched, if i may be so bold. but if there was a little book called "worst case scenarios for foster care case managers" i would be reading "what to do if..." on pg23. twenty three being the NUMBER OF CASES i was gifted with this morning. that would also be exactly 17 more than good old georgy policy states i should receive upon immediate completion of training. and i am flattered my supervisor thinks i can handle it, but i'm TERRIFIED she actually gave that many to me. well, that's not the real problem. the real problem is that she hasn't offered much help, and discourages consulting coworkers for advice/suggesstions...which, while i understand the reasoning behind, also think it's a little on the control-freque side. so i'm like that little kid who REALLY wants to learn to swim and just wants her parent to go beside her into the water. and all seems to be going well..........when along comes uncle bob......who tosses her into the deep end of the dock before she can even hold her nose.

damn you uncle bob.

to illustrate, and slather on another layer of self pity--One case. that's one child (which i have 23 of right now, alone, by myself, solo...you get the picture) one child usually has about three or four 3.5inch binders crammed slap damned full of pages and pages of information. all of them together take up about 4 shelves on my extra large industrial grade metal bookcase. and i've leafed through all of two. binders, that is. because today was the first day i could. because today was the first day i saw any of them.

but i did manage to make a few phone calls to foster family of one of my clients.

one.

of 23.

teenagers.

who i am now officially the Legal Guardian of.

yes.

legal.

guardian.


(gasp....)

(...thud)